In the past few years, I’ve had the chance to experience so many different types of stares that I’ve become a staring-reaction expert. I know that’s not an actual word, but from now on it is! These techniques have helped me stay relaxed despite all the stares.
If you can put yourself in someone else’s shoes, you might be able to shake off uncomfortable moments. I know you’re probably thinking ‘yeah duh, but these people aren’t putting themselves in my shoes’. True, but they really don’t mean to offend you. We all look at other people, we do it subconsciously. If you notice someone who surprises you, it’s completely human to look at them for a bit. Some people aren’t sure how to react - that’s not that bad, right? And come on, when you’re walking in the street, you sometimes make eye contact with someone walking past, right? The fact that you make eye contact means that you look at others too. And you don’t mean any harm either, right?
The 5G-scheme has really helped me deal with staring situations differently. Let me give you an example to explain how it works. When I’d just gone bald, I hated it and found it ridiculous when people stared at me so blatantly. It made me incredibly insecure. My therapist me analyze what went on in my head during these moments.
The EVENT: someone was staring at me.
The THOUGHT I had about it: that person thinks I’m ugly and weird.
The FEELING I got from it: it made me sad and insecure.
The BEHAVIOUR I showed: I got angry at the person: ‘Can you see it all right?’
The CONSEQUENCE: in order to prevent a situation like this, I didn’t go outside bald.
Thanks to my therapist I was able to see that I had an influence on the course of the 5G-scheme. I started having thoughts around this. Why did I automatically think I was ugly when someone stared at me? Did I know for sure that this is what the other person thought of me? The answer, of course, was no: I definitely can’t be sure what another person is thinking. So maybe the other person is thinking the complete opposite: that I’m beautiful. By consciously changing your thoughts about what happens during a moment like this, you can change the 5G-scheme results. Like this, for example:
The EVENT: someone is staring at me.
The THOUGHT I have about it: that person probably thinks I’m tough or pretty, or they like my dress.
The FEELING I get from it: a boost of confidence!
The BEHAVIOUR I show: I give the person a friendly smile.
The CONSEQUENCE: I wear that nice dress a lot more often when I go outside bald!
It sounds very simple and, ultimately, it is. What’s annoying about this scheme is that it takes a while before you realize what you think of yourself during difficult situations. It’s only when you’re aware of your own subconscious thoughts that you can try to change them.
In conclusion: practice, practice and practice some more! You’ll see that this will really help you! And I don’t just mean with accepting people staring at you, but also with accepting what’s underneath that: your bald head!
